(Not So) Hot Takes | A Sidechat poll about election related breakups underscores the complexities of navigating politics while dating.
Photo Credit: Jennifer Mesa
By Emma McClure
In the weeks and months leading up to the recent election, the sad state of America has been on full display; we are a people divided, not united. A host of contentious issues were the subject of hot debate this election cycle, and media on both sides of the political aisle encouraged a growing divide. Eager to fan the flame, conservative hosts attacked Vice-President Harris’ connections to Willie Brown while liberal media threatened the end of democracy over President-elect Trump’s alleged ties to the Mandate for Leadership, commonly referred to as Project 2025.
Following the announcement that former President Trump would be the nation’s 47th President, a flurry of outraged voters took to social media to share their anguish. Some women chastised men for “voting against [their] rights,” threatening a four year sex boycott. Locally, the divisive reactions were on full display, with conservative students expressing feelings of alienation as students skipped lectures to mourn the results and professors canceled classes, moved assessments, prepared motivational messages, and offered emotional support.
This ever present division is a sad state of affairs, to say the least.
This division isn’t a new development. The media has been reporting on a growing political divide for years. According to the Pew Research Center, the parties have grown significantly more polarized in the past two decades, and antipathy towards the opposing party is on the rise. I’m sure many have felt it this election season.
Following the election, a Penn Sidechat user sent out a poll that sheds light on a particularly interesting aspect of this political divide. This user posed the question of whether anyone had been broken up with over their politics surrounding the election. Check out the results:
A whopping 39% of participants broke up over a difference in political opinions, with 64.7% of those broken up with reporting that they voted for former President Trump. This is a sad reflection of the pervasive divisiveness of politics; in the days immediately following the election, we were already breaking off our romantic relationships.
On the other hand, maybe it’s a good thing that we’re willing to break things off when we identify a fundamental difference in our values. Is this result actually a win for dating culture?
Here’s the thing: dating for marriage is a happier, more productive way to approach relationships. There’s no point in trying to force a romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t align with your core values; you simply aren’t compatible. It’s good that students are willing to recognize that they shouldn’t stay with someone that doesn’t match their fundamental values. To those who have broken up with someone for this reason, I commend your commitment to dedicating your romantic energy to those with whom you can envision a future.
While some may have broken up over politics out of sincere concern over their core values and the possibility of marriage, it is likely that many broke up simply because they were angry with their significant other for disagreeing with them. This is a less productive way of approaching romantic relationships. Having the same core values does not mean automatically agreeing on every issue, and it does not mean voting for the same candidate. On the flip side, voting for the same person doesn’t mean you voted for the same reasons or that you really share core values and common motivations.
Instead of judging people on party lines, we ought to treat everyone, especially our significant others, with an open mind and with respect for their lived experiences. Instead of breaking up immediately upon learning that your partner didn’t vote the same way as you, maybe you should have real conversations with them about what you each believe and why.
Politics and religion are not taboo, or at least, they shouldn’t be. They are, in many ways, reflections of your most fundamental beliefs. You should talk about those values early in your relationship. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not encouraging an all out policy debate on the first date, nor do I think it should be a hugely partisan decision—that is, deciding who you can’t date based on how they’re registered to vote. However, it shouldn’t be a secret to your partner where you fall on the political spectrum.
If you don’t know what your significant other thinks about major political issues, or you’re scared of having that conversation with them, then either you two aren’t really compatible, or you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. If you’re truly prepared to date, you should be ready to have these critical conversations.
You don’t have to agree on everything to have a successful relationship, and if you don’t agree, that isn’t necessarily grounds to break up. Plenty of people make it work! A couple here at Penn decided to share their insights with me about how they have a successful relationship despite political differences.
The couple, who asked to remain anonymous, have been dating for around two years, and they voted differently in the presidential election. They highlighted abortion as a major issue, with the girlfriend voting Republican on the issue and her boyfriend voting Democrat. Despite their clear differences in viewpoint, they find satisfaction in their relationship and communicate openly about their beliefs. They shared that they talked about politics before the election. They shared their backgrounds and understand how their families have influenced their views.
“After the election we were both able to joke about it because the communication was so clear. Overall I still value my girlfriend for who she is and always want her to vote for what she believes in and I know she feels the same about me.”
This couple exemplifies how communication about politics should go. They knew each other’s views ahead of time and were able to talk about them respectfully. Instead of rushing to break up when the truth comes out post-election, more of Penn’s couples should look to examples like this as a sign to communicate more about their politics. You don’t have to agree on every issue to find someone you love and respect.
Emma McClure is a sophomore in the College studying Criminology and minoring in Legal Studies and History from Columbus, GA. Emma is also The Social Ivy editor at The Pennsylvania Post. Her email is efmcc@sas.upenn.edu.
