On a holiday that makes romance feel so special, it’s easy to experience dating FOMO.
Photo Credit: Chloe Hunt
By Chloe Hunt
Now that I’m an old and wise senior, I feel like I have a lot of advice to impart. This means that I’ve been at Penn long enough to know, experience, and understand the dating scene. With that, Happy Valentine’s to all the lovebirds on campus! Dating at Penn is complex and messy, and at a school where students are moving in a million different directions at once, hoping to finish an assignment, start a non-profit, save the world, or take down the world (looking at you, Wharton), you should pat yourself on the back if you have made time to nurture your social life and romantic relationships.
Certainly if you’re not in a relationship at Penn, and hoping to be in one, Valentine’s Day can make you feel extra lonely. You can’t even go into CVS and buy toothpaste without being bombarded with heart-shaped chocolate, flower arrangements, and I-Love-You cards. To all the single readers who feel some sort of romantic FOMO, I’d encourage you to reapproach your mindset. Don’t let this holiday and all the cold weather make you feel like you have to date at Penn.
It may sound rich coming from someone in a loving relationship, but now that I am a wise, experienced, mature, sage-like, and wisened senior, dating at Penn– while maintaining your grades, sanity, health, and livelihood–can be a huge feat. Maybe this year Valentine’s Day can be a reminder of the joy of platonic love on campus and also that your desired partner might not be at Penn, and that’s okay.
For those single on Valentine’s Day, this should be a call to action for maintaining friendships, expressing gratitude for all your loved ones that you have every day. College friendships are uniquely intense and special. Unlike high school, and unlike the workforce, right now, you’re living amongst your friends (I hope). We are incredibly lucky to be able to see our friends just by walking a few blocks.
Whether it’s to study, get food, pretend to study while we chat, go out, watch a movie, cook, or just hangout, having friends so close is invaluable. Think about it: your college friends see the good, the bad, the ugly. They see you stressed for exams, throwing up after a bad night out, waking up the next day… All of that is to say, if you’re not dating in college, consider it a blessing– it gives you extra time to cherish the platonic love all around you. By not stressing about finding your perfect match, you can focus on the people at Penn who, rain or shine, will love you no matter what.
I distinctly remember going on a date my sophomore year at Penn. He took me to a really lovely restaurant, we split a bunch of delicious appetizers, and shared a good bottle of wine. It wasn’t for Valentine’s Day, but it certainly was romantic. Despite this, I found myself thinking, throughout the meal, “I can’t wait to tell my friends about this.” Whenever the unnamed man did something funny, kooky, sweet, or romantic, my instant reaction was not to be present, but rather, I can’t wait to debrief with my best friends. Perhaps it was because I wasn’t very interested, or perhaps I should’ve been more present. Nonetheless, my priority was not getting wined and dined—I was ready for the next day at Starbucks to share everything funny that happened. This goes to show that, at least in my case, dating is not everything. Here, it was merely a funny, sip-worthy topic of conversation in a much more important aspect of my life: my friendships.
Certainly, as someone in an incredible long distance relationship, I feel like I get the best of both worlds. I get to spend devoted, uninterrupted time with my girl pals on campus and not worry about juggling a relationship and friendships, at least on a daily basis. Not to bring up the senior point again but, it’s relevant, I promise. Your time at Penn is fleeting and so finite, which you won’t realize until it’s Feb Club and you’re frantically writing a thesis with a deadline that felt like centuries away and is now a month away. Most seniors will tell you: Penn flies by. Eight semesters seem like a lot, and maybe you’re at a point in your Penn career where you feel like you’re drowning, but I would encourage you to really care about and nurture your friendships, because in just a few years (or months) you and your best friends might be spread out all over the world!
Definitely, romantic relationships don’t entail choosing one over the other. Both friendships and romance can coexist, yes. (Bonus points if you combine both!) But if you find yourself chasing for and wanting love at Penn, I’d ask you to rethink your concept of love. Love exists with your roomie, the one you probably see every day for small, seemingly insignificant encounters. Love exists with your friends from class, who you might share coffees and small walks around campus with. Love exists with club friends, friendly acquaintances, and new friends that you’re probably going to meet as you go throughout your Penn journey.
Also, we’re young. Super young. We think we’re all mature and adults with developed psyches and values, but our brains aren’t even fully developed. Romantic love is a wonderful and fulfilling part of adolescence and college, but it isn’t the whole picture. Unless you are very grounded, the Penn partner you pick for yourself now might not be the right fit. After Penn, you’ll meet so many people that make your bubble here feel small. Or so I expect. Statistics are on your side too, with only about 15% of married couples meeting in college. This could also be a stage in life to not let the Valentine’s Day propaganda fool you.
Unless you’re really, really set on finding love, maybe just consider romance at Penn as a fun, unserious side-quest to an incredibly unique college experience. For all the female readers, to quote Charlotte York, thinking about all of us and our friends: “Maybe we can be each other’s soulmates. And then we can just let men be these great, nice guys to have fun with!” With that said, go out and tell your friends how grateful you are for them this Valentine’s Day. Love is definitely in the air, even if it’s platonic love.
Chloe Hunt is a senior in the College studying Creative Writing, Hispanic Studies, and Political Science from Roanoke, VA. Chloe is also the Opinion Editor for The Pennsylvania Post. Her email is chloemwh@sas.upenn.edu.
